My life in sex: ‘Orgasmic meditation is fabulous'

From a young age, my mother reacted to sexuality with horror and fear bordering on panic, leading me to conclude it was disgusting and taboo. In adulthood, I had a series of relationships which never translated into satisfying sexual expression. I was numb, deeply disconnected from my sexuality.

Then, in my 70s, I discovered orgasmic meditation, commonly known among practitioners as OM. In this practice, a stroker – usually, but not always, a man – strokes a woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes. It’s a highly structured process that’s about reclaiming the ability to have intense orgasmic but non-climactic sensation, so it goes on and on…

The women have full control of what happens, and the men get to explore their own sexuality in a non-goal-oriented way. We’re encouraged to ask the stroker to go slower, or lighter, or in a slightly different place, thus re-finding our voice, agency and choice in a context where the stroker is more focused on the woman, rather than only on him- or herself. It’s a fabulous opportunity for sexual healing. It provides a safe, supportive way to work through unresolved wounds, such as fear and shame.

The group sessions must sound kinky. They aren’t. We have a “pot luck” afterwards and share our experiences of the evening. Through OM, my experience of myself as a sexual person has fundamentally changed. I’ve discovered that I’m actually a highly alive, turned on, sexually innovative and passionate woman. It’s never too late!

• Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com

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